Do You Feel Stuck Because You and Your Partner Are Having The Same Fights Over and Over Again?
- Do you feel that when things are good with your partner they are very good, but when they are bad they are very bad?
- Do you feel easily triggered by your partner because of resentment that has built up?
- Have romance and connection in your relationship been replaced with distance and frustration?
- Do you rarely talk to one another at all—at least not in any meaningful way?
- Has a betrayal of trust made you feel that you don’t even know your partner anymore
If you are struggling with relationship issues, attempting to connect with your partner may leave you feeling sad and lonely. As time goes on, you may feel more and more certain that things can’t continue this way—you cannot settle for a lifetime of tension and conflict.
You may also think back to the beginning of your relationship and long for the person you fell in love with. Perhaps it’s difficult to understand how you and your partner got here. What happened to the support and connection you used to share?
Almost All Couples Experience Conflict
“We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship.” — Harville Hendrix
If your partnership currently feels very different than the one you envisioned for yourself, you might fear that the relationship is damaged. Like so many other couples dealing with arguments and silent treatments, you could fear that the relationship are damaged.
In truth, relationship issues are undeniably painful, but they are also extremely common. You are not alone.
All people learn about relationships from what we see and experience as we grow up. As we watch our family members navigate—or perhaps avoid—conflict, we learn how to interact with others. We also learn what to expect from relationships, as well as how to deal with difficult emotions.
For example, if a parent, was generally distant, but prone to exploding in anger at the first sign of conflict, you likely learned that conflict is dangerous—perhaps even physically. You might not always feel safe expressing your needs, thoughts and feelings. And, when your emotions inevitably build up, you might find yourself lashing out.
Maybe your partner had a similar upbringing. Or, perhaps they grew up with emotionally expressive parents. They might not understand why you don’t want to talk about your emotions. And so, as you try to navigate these very different ways of relating, you might be caught in a cycle of lashing out and shutting down.
Regardless of your specific ways of relating—and whether or not you’re completely aware of them—like all people, you have your unique relationship issues. And your partner has issues of their own. Sometimes, you both might be communicating from places of old hurt and pain rather than responding to what the other is actually saying. This can make maintaining a healthy adult relationship incredibly difficult.
You don’t have to stay stuck in these frustrating, hurtful patterns. By working with a skilled couples therapist, you can find healing and lasting intimacy.